Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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