I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
zippers are such a cool invention
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
