You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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