Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
