it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
