This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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