he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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