plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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