Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
