My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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