hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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