wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
