Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
