between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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