No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
