Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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