so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
