you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
