i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You've changed since you got that strap on
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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