I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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