im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
