how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
