I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize