OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
