You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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