i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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