She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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