Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
