He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
