You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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