Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
