dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
