nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
