my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
