Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
