she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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