I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
