Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
