Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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