i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
