He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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