I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
