just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
