No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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