i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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