you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
