I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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