TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
