we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
