im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
worst night to have a conscience
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
