I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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