He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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