Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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