Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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