Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
