is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize