ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
