Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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