I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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