its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
