Will you blow on my dice?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
