Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize