is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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