I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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