well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
