I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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