I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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