Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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