Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
