Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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