I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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