Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
