Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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