I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
