i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
