Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
