Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
