I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
