Cold hands, warm shart.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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