I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
