yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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