no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
