Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
