Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
