Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
