So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
