I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is Oprah even human
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
