I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
