rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
