If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
