I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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