My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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