its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
two words: eviction party
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
