We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize