one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
