i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize