bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
A+ Viking dick
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
