no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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