I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
