If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
