Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
