im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My dick has a subreddit
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
soo... how was my night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
