i wish my penis had a tongue
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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