I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
